Realtor Advises Get A Grip

2015-04-24 10.12.21

After the demise of Tom’s rent a couch and get rich quick scheme, (which can be read about in my last blog), we decided it’s time to buy a house.  Downtown was a good experience while it lasted but we are ready for the suburbs.

We hired a realtor (Diane) and met with her at her office on a Monday.

“So, tell me what you’re looking for?”  asked Diane.

I jumped right in.  “We don’t want to live in a development and I don’t want to live in the suburb of Milwaukie.”  “What’s wrong with Milwaukie?” asked Diane.  “Well, it’s not very original to name the suburb the same as the city where Tom’s sisters live.  The mail will get all mixed up and it would be weird.”  Tom just rolled his eyes.

“We would like to avoid Multnomah County which has the highest taxes in OR.” Tom said.  “But we’re open to most of the other suburbs.  We don’t want to limit ourselves, as we know the market is tight.”

“What kind of a house would you like?” Diane pressed.

Once again I jumped right in.  “We want a single level house, or at least the master on the main floor, open kitchen to the great room, a gas fireplace, garage, privacy, trees and a nice neighborhood.”

Diane stared at us and said “You know that doesn’t exist, right?  Would you be willing to do some work if the house wasn’t perfect?”

ugly house

You know those thought bubbles that cartoonists put above heads when the person is thinking?  Here is Tom’s thought bubble:

Been there, done that.  Remembering the first house we bought in Chicago, a 3 story gutted brownstone on the edge of the good stuff, but definitely not in the good stuff.  It turned out to be (before we moved in), a Puerto Rican gang headquarters.  Oh the memories.

Stevie’s thought bubble:

Our house in Larkspur, CA which was an old estate.  When we bought it, it was rented to 12 rock musicians and trashed.  25 years of hard work and labor.  Front_Tea_House_Helo_477a[1] Yes, beautiful but time to move on

“Sure, but not a lot.  Not a major update.”  Tom said.  “Are you thinking 70’s tract home?” I asked Diane.  “Yes, that’s what I’m thinking.”


Depression!  “What are you willing to spend?”  asked Diane.  “We’re thinking  under $500,000.”  said Tom.

Diane couldn’t contain herself any longer.  She burst out laughing,  “Get a grip!”  We had clearly rattled her.  She quickly recovered.  “No problem, we will find you the perfect house!”   Diane’s thought bubble: