He Kissed a Salmon and I’m Paying the Price


Do you remember growing up, picking up the telephone and the operator saying “number please?” No?  How about your parents letting you play outside all day, not asking where you’d be, just that you be home when the 5:00 whistle blew and not getting arrested for it?

I am longing for the simple things as I sit in front of the computer and tear my hair out.  Have you noticed I changed the look of my blog?  Do you think that was easy?  It looked so easy when I took the class.  For instance, I wanted to put in a logo.  So I chose one of my pictures.  But it didn’t fill the space.  The pixels weren’t right.  What are pixels?!!  How do you get small pixels to become bigger pixels?  Or big pixels to become small pixels?  So do you see a logo?  No.  Because I can’t figure out pixels.  I renewed “Word Press for Dummies” from the library four times, but must have missed the pixel chapter.

Maybe if I took an iPhone camera class?  So I did.  Besides pixels, I wanted to know what those symbols at the top of the camera were.  What did that lightning bolt mean?  What the heck is HDR, what does that little clock do?  You will be happy to know that I know all that now.  But I still don’t get changing pixels.  What I really wanted to know, but was afraid it would show my idiocy, not to mention age, was how do you get the picture off the phone and into a real picture that I can hold?  Help!

This is a picture I took after my class:

Small bird in tree

Small bird in tree

That was the third try.  Luckily the bird didn’t move a muscle.  Here is another one, also a third try.

2015-03-27 11.02.14

After a frustrating day of technology, I wondered how we spun into this crazy world so fast.  As I lay awake at 2AM thinking about it, it hit me.  It all goes back to the salmon.

It was 1992.  Our son Max was 10 years old.  A friend had gone salmon fishing and gave us a whole salmon.  salmon

My husband Tom has a very devious mind.  A college friend of his describes him as passive demonic.  This will make sense to you shortly.  He hid the fish and called Max into the kitchen.  “I have a big surprise for you Max, close your eyes.”  So unsuspecting 10 year old Max closed his eyes, excited about the big surprise…until the cold, wet lips of the salmon were touching his lips.  Max’s eyes bolted open and he screamed and fell backward.  Of course Tom cried with laughter.  Who does something like that to their impressionable young son and laughs about it?

Unfortunately, I also found it a little funny in a demonic sort of way.  Who thinks of these things? So that’s where it all started.  Our kids are now taking their revenge through technology.  So when they roll their eyes as you ask them for help, we can all blame Tom.  As for Tom?  He has no remorse about the fish,  and takes credit for “toughening up” Max.

By the way, what’s a screen shot?  Why can’t I text with my thumbs?  Oh so many questions.  Please stop, we give up!

If you want to take pity on me and answer any of my questions or just commiserate, please leave me your comments.

6 thoughts on “He Kissed a Salmon and I’m Paying the Price

  1. Diane Bazler says:

    What does HDR mean, I do know how to get the flash on? Will Max eat fish after his terrifying experience or did Tom scar him for life. We miss you in Marin. Love, Diane

    • Stevie says:

      HDR is for pictures where your object is in shade (ie a house) and the sky behind it is bright sun. If you switch on HDR you will get a great picture of the house vs the house shaded. Yes, Max eats fish! He has blocked out that traumatic childhood experience.

  2. Candace Arends says:

    Oh my do I remember! Our number was 246 and our days were spent outside playing the neighborhood softball game.

    • Stevie says:

      Besides the operator it seemed there were lots of other people on the same line. You could listen to several conversations. Were we on the same team?

  3. Barbara Basso says:

    Love all your articles, Stevie. I was going to comment after the first two, but didn’t get to it. Also, SO GLAD you will be in Marin this summer. The ladies can do lunch again. Hope someone has a house for you to house sit. If you need one in Falcon, Colorado, let me know.
    You didn’t mention your products….LipSense. I would like to order two Glossy.
    Hi to Tom….and bye for now. Love, Barbara

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